Sunday, November 21, 2010


I am down two my last two razors. (Also: !)
What do I do?  I haven't bought a razor in YEARS.  I used to have a drawerful - and not like a namely-pamby sized drawer, but a deep one, that's 3'x2'.

And (yes, I started my sentence with "and".  That's going to happen quite a bit if you stay here.  Even if you don't actually.  Just so you know.) since I had to open a new one that means I'm really down to one.  Which might not even be real, I just saw orange among the other misc. clutter and assumed it was the packaging, choosing to let my possibly-false-hope live instead of brutally killing it then and there.

Table for one.  Next to the delusion, please.

I should probably stop and mention, for those of you not stalking me on the more intimate level of reading my mind, that these are shaving razors.  Like for legs and whatnot.  Gillette Fusion to be precise.

So.  Why haven't I bought a new razor in the last…[math math math]…5 years?  See: Drawerful.

So.   That:  Well, about 5-6 years ago I worked retail at a some crappy videogame joint (rhymes with Belectronics Boutique).  And (Bam!  There it is again.  I also like abusing parentheses) one day they decided to do a brilliant marketing gimmick with Gillette.  This entailed them sending crates of razors to our store and instructing us to give one razor to each person that bought a game.  Now for part of our clientele this was an appropriate-ish sample.  For the rest who had yet to reach double digits in their age…not so much. Long story short, at the end of each shift, whoever was working would end up going home with (at least) a bagful of Fusions.
That was a golden era.  No matter how many I gave away to people I knew it seemed liked my supply never dwindled.  I was like the tooth fairy, except I didn't accept deposits of teeth and gifted razors instead of money.  Oh, and I didn't break into homes to leave them under pillows.  Yeah, just like the tooth fairy.

Even when the promotion ended I was still so arrogant, so full of hubris…
Which brings us here.

It's been too long.  When this one and the possibly-fictitious one are gone… I can't go back to buying them like some wretched derelict!  I can't!  There must be another way.
I will have to meditate on this.  And (one more for the road) savour these following ...okay, many months, with scandalously smooth gams for free - and tonight, fresh sheets.

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