So. Here's the thing… I didn't think this was going to be a thing but it's happened more than once now so apparently it's a thing. When I'm walking home at some ungodly hour (this would never happen when driving) in flats (E.G. my pumas. Stilettos wouldn't end up like this)…
Exclusive to my trips to suburbia: [alcohol] + [fences] = Righteous Indignation
How dare they think they can keep me out? If they had not put up a fence at all drunk-me would pay them no mind. But there it is! Offending me with its boorish 5 to 12 foot challenge.
Perhaps in my inebriated state I'm channelling my idol, and so making fences the Great Wall of China to my Genghis Khan. Don't worry, though. I have no desire to rape and pillage your yard. So (just this one time) it's less about this:
"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters."
and more this:
"The strength of a wall is neither greater nor less than the courage of the men who defend it."
Your walls are pitiful to me!
Among my flashes of memory is being perched 10 feet off the ground, "I can see into your yard, and your yard and…hey, a pool noodle!"
Then there was one point of being two stories off the ground on the outside wall of my brother's old elementary school. I forget what my divine purpose was there, but know that I was very determined.
Another flash of being in someone's shed, rooting through their possessions. I didn't want to do anything with their stuff, nor did I have any desire to claim it, I just really wanted to see if they had anything cool. They did not. Or maybe they did. It was very dark. I don't think they did. It's okay though, my mother raised me right: Put everything back as you found it or better, so they'll appreciate you as a guest and want you to come back.
It's no surprise that by the time I get home my 15 minute journey has taken over an hour and probably looks like something out of Family Circus.
So the moral of the story is if it's 3AM and you see a young woman scaling, jumping or even just sitting on your fence for 8 minutes - don't be alarmed! It's just me. Please don't shoot.