That's Just Messed Up

Sometimes it's just a "little" impressive, one's ability to rationalize utter nonsense.

Guild Wars 2 is $59.99.
The fantasy shopping list I stayed up till 0230 last night making amounts to $90.89*. (Foodie, much?  Foodgawker is my porn, Nuts.com my wannabe dealer.  Some people have fantasy football, I have fantasy cooking/baking/eating.  The difference is sometimes mine becomes reality.)  Not to mention my newfound PB2 love, avg. $50+...if I break $100, free shipping.

Being on a tight budget, means buying one voids the other.  On the one hand, a major time waster (albeit fun), on the other, a major body shape killer (albeit delicious).  And though I'm entitled to my cheat days I can't keep that stuff around the house after.  Cravings will eventually rear their monstrous heads (I picture it like a hydra) and that "for later" will be destroyed, as each I temptation I slay spouts more and more heads, gradually making the beast stronger with the knowledge "it's there, it's there", until I am overwhelmed! ARHG! It's the peanut butter Fibre1 all over again!  ...But I digress.

 Fuck you and your siren song, hydra.

 

Also, considering it's kinda part of my career to not be what some scientists may refer to as "one fat muthafucker"...

And yet, this is just makes me happy to dance to.

In effect, what I'm seeing here is vidya games are actually the healthier choice.  Huh, who knew!  Proven by science.  There, I'm glad we figured this out together.

*If you're wondering, this is what I had limited myself to on my fantasy candy binge to get to that price:

• Assorted Malted Milk Balls $7.49, 1 lb
• Malted Milk Balls (Low Sugar) $6.99, 1 lb
• Malt Ball Centres $3.99, 1 lb
• Speckled Robin Eggs $4.99, 1 lb
• Sun Dried Peppers $7.99, 1 lb
• Carob Powder $4.99, 1 lb
• Antioxidant Mix [goji berries, cacao nibs, golden berries, mulberries, brazil nuts) $2.50, samples
• Jordan Almonds (Assorted) $2.50, samples
• Ultimate Bridge Mix (Sugar Free) [chocolate covered: raisins, peanuts, almonds; yogurt covered: peanuts, almonds) $2.50, samples
• Organic Cacao Nibs (Raw) $2.50, samples
• Dried Persimmons $2.50 samples
• Deluxe Pastel Chocolate Berry Mix [cherries, apricots, blueberries] $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Strawberries $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Covered Banana Chips $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Covered Ginger $7.99, 1 lb
• Banana Mocha Coffee $9.99, 1 lb

...wut?  Oh, I could've kept going.  Heaven forbid I ever have money and a home stomach pump. Better to make the list and indulge the fantasy than actually lose it and hit submit.  C'est la vie...

Feuding II

Dear Body,

What the hell?  It's our one day off.  We get to sleep in.  Do you know what that means?  We do not have any reason to be awake.  Like none, no responsibilities.  Whatsoever.  I'm not even functioning at the capacity of a hand puppet.  So what are you doing?

There is no reason for this.  We didn't even get in till almost dawn, it doesn't make sense.  Even less when you consider the gratuitous amount of alcohol involved.  In case you need a refresher, for normal bodies: more of that usually equates to more time unconscious, not less.  Making zombie-face at the wall is not what needs to be happening right now.

I will fight you to the death,
Brain

Feuding I

Dear Brain,

Seriously.  It's 4:14 AM, we're exhausted.  We're in bed, ready to shut down, why won't you just stop?  No, I get it.  You're important to this operation, but really, who the hell needs to have thoughts about nothing jerking them into wakefulness when they're falling asleep?  This is the opposite of our goal.  It's not even relevant to anything going on.  At all.  Ever.  

What the hell is wrong with you?  Do you know how hard it is to even get this far in the sleeping process; how much we've been looking forward to it?  Do you appreciate what we're trying to tell you?  Limbs heavy, Eyes don't want to open, Brain...being a sociopath towards the rest of the team.  

You start off doing so well too, it's hard to tell if you're genuinely tweaked or just exceptionally malicious, "[...]I'll remember to do that tomorrow.  Mm, bed so soft and warm, not like...not-beds...so...night...things... ... ... ... ... ... Acorns!  They wear little berets."

What.  The.  Hell.  You need to stop.  Not okay.  And worse, it's often when you know we got to get up in a few hours.  You know this.  It's worse than the time you woke us up because you figured out the solution in a puzzle was to jump.  To jump.  You jag.

Sincerely,

Body

This is a Title

So, guess who's sick? You could probably name any number of people and be correct, but this is my blog and being self-absorbed I was referring to me.

It happened as colds do.
19:59, Monday
Me: What a great night to be healthy.

20:00, Monday
Body: Ha-ha! I'm going to punch you in the face with disease! All that energy you thought you had? It's gone now, sucka! Let's see you walk home after work now, [censored for posterity]!

It retrospect it was more likely the illness cussing me out but it felt like a betrayal of my body. I thought body and me were getting on great, but apparently that was all a horrible lie.

Dear Body,
If this is about that thing we ate… Get over it. I said I was sorry and wouldn't do it again. In the near future.

Why do you think I take you running every night and not eat like my fat inner child demands? It's not just for our exterior, dangit. (Which, I have to give you credit, is awesome. So. Keep that up.)

Oh, and we're still going rock climbing Thursday, so you better shape up because that'll suck for you too if you keep this attitude up.
Love (but not right now),
Cole

Also, apparently being barely lucid puts me in the mood for house music. Rare. Odd. Going with it.

UPDATE: So...working out at the gym? Not something you're supposed to do mid-fever. The good news is I didn't fall off the treadmill, per se. My jeans also remained on despite my feeble efforts as I decided it got too hot.

UPDATE: I have found the meds. Buckleys was not created for doing shots.

UPDATE: Have been given one command: DO NOT GO TO SLEEP BEFORE UPS GETS HERE. So of course my body's all "You know we should do? Sleeeeeeep. Sleep! I'll make you feel so good, baby. Oh, oh! Are you going to blink? Watch me turn that blink turn into a nap. Don't even act like you don't want this."

UPDATE:  ...UPS never showed.   Those motherf-!

UPDATE:  "WHY ARE YOU NOT PANTS?"

UPDATE: "I'm going to Jell-o the shit out of you." What does that mean? I don't know, but I said it. And apparently I was pretty certain of its undeniable truth when I did.

UPDATE: