That's Just Messed Up

Sometimes it's just a "little" impressive, one's ability to rationalize utter nonsense.

Guild Wars 2 is $59.99.
The fantasy shopping list I stayed up till 0230 last night making amounts to $90.89*. (Foodie, much?  Foodgawker is my porn, Nuts.com my wannabe dealer.  Some people have fantasy football, I have fantasy cooking/baking/eating.  The difference is sometimes mine becomes reality.)  Not to mention my newfound PB2 love, avg. $50+...if I break $100, free shipping.

Being on a tight budget, means buying one voids the other.  On the one hand, a major time waster (albeit fun), on the other, a major body shape killer (albeit delicious).  And though I'm entitled to my cheat days I can't keep that stuff around the house after.  Cravings will eventually rear their monstrous heads (I picture it like a hydra) and that "for later" will be destroyed, as each I temptation I slay spouts more and more heads, gradually making the beast stronger with the knowledge "it's there, it's there", until I am overwhelmed! ARHG! It's the peanut butter Fibre1 all over again!  ...But I digress.

 Fuck you and your siren song, hydra.

 

Also, considering it's kinda part of my career to not be what some scientists may refer to as "one fat muthafucker"...

And yet, this is just makes me happy to dance to.

In effect, what I'm seeing here is vidya games are actually the healthier choice.  Huh, who knew!  Proven by science.  There, I'm glad we figured this out together.

*If you're wondering, this is what I had limited myself to on my fantasy candy binge to get to that price:

• Assorted Malted Milk Balls $7.49, 1 lb
• Malted Milk Balls (Low Sugar) $6.99, 1 lb
• Malt Ball Centres $3.99, 1 lb
• Speckled Robin Eggs $4.99, 1 lb
• Sun Dried Peppers $7.99, 1 lb
• Carob Powder $4.99, 1 lb
• Antioxidant Mix [goji berries, cacao nibs, golden berries, mulberries, brazil nuts) $2.50, samples
• Jordan Almonds (Assorted) $2.50, samples
• Ultimate Bridge Mix (Sugar Free) [chocolate covered: raisins, peanuts, almonds; yogurt covered: peanuts, almonds) $2.50, samples
• Organic Cacao Nibs (Raw) $2.50, samples
• Dried Persimmons $2.50 samples
• Deluxe Pastel Chocolate Berry Mix [cherries, apricots, blueberries] $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Strawberries $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Covered Banana Chips $8.99, 1 lb
• Dark Chocolate Covered Ginger $7.99, 1 lb
• Banana Mocha Coffee $9.99, 1 lb

...wut?  Oh, I could've kept going.  Heaven forbid I ever have money and a home stomach pump. Better to make the list and indulge the fantasy than actually lose it and hit submit.  C'est la vie...

Off-Book

Apparently there's a reasonable danger of this blog just turning into "Things I Consume".  That said, adventures in bark!

The only thing fat-free about this is the pictures.  So lucky you!  Now originally it was supposed to be two layered and macadamia nuts but being me, well when do I not go off recipe? "You can't tell me what to do, instructions!  You're not my mom!"  Though in my defence, this time it was an accident.  Partially.

No macadamia nuts, so I replaced them with almonds, hazelnuts, pecans  and the occasional walnut.  Then took a hammer to that shit.  Warning: this procedure may miss some nuts entirely while turning others to powder.  (Fine for taste, just depends on the texture you're after.)  I took a knife to some of the remaining whole ones to slit them in halves for managability.

So poured the first layer (Dark chocolate) and decided it would be better to mix half the nuts in so to capture them between layers (already off-book!) - as opposed to just on top.

Second layer was to be white chocolate but it turned out I didn't have enough... BUT I did have butterscotch chips!  Which are delicious in a way that works with all the flavours and also light coloured (this mattered because I planned on dying this layer red).  Unfortunately I did not consider that butterscotch chips have a different texture and aren't really....melty in the way I needed.  Adding eggnog helped make it a little more viscous but it wasn't spreadable enough.  Also, kind of hideous despite the dye and not melding with the first layer.

Solution!  Third layer of milk chocolate to seal it all in.  First laying down the rest of the nuts, then pouring that sucker on.  Of course now it's ridiculously thick, but whatever, that just means there's more delicious - and it'll take longer to set.

Upon freeing it from it's frozen prison after an hour or so I quickly learn this particular bark is now thick like family and does not want to split.  I can respect that, but now it is, quite literally, hammer time.

And hammer time.

Day 5

"May" have snapped at a random Asian I had never met in the office opposite us, "No one believes you're blond!"  Then just walked away.

...What? It's true.  No matter how carefully he applies those hi- and low-lights he can never win that game.

My goodness, is it possible this detox-cleanse is affecting my mood?

The hallucinations have gone down but by 14:00 so has the will to stay awake.

Total time at work spent looking up recipes and fantasizing: probably about 2 hours.  (Panettone French toast: did you know that was a thing?  My god...)

Even though I can't have any yet I couldn't wait - just baked EVERYthing.  Peanut butter & strawberry jam (plus actual strawberries cut up) muffins; banana-chestnut cookies with cinnamon and pecans.  Most are iced with spicy (chili flakes) chocolate ganache icing.

Time spent using aforementioned recipes: 0.00

Oh, and I may have had a couple shots of vodka... eat me.  Potato, vegetable!