Day 5

"May" have snapped at a random Asian I had never met in the office opposite us, "No one believes you're blond!"  Then just walked away.

...What? It's true.  No matter how carefully he applies those hi- and low-lights he can never win that game.

My goodness, is it possible this detox-cleanse is affecting my mood?

The hallucinations have gone down but by 14:00 so has the will to stay awake.

Total time at work spent looking up recipes and fantasizing: probably about 2 hours.  (Panettone French toast: did you know that was a thing?  My god...)

Even though I can't have any yet I couldn't wait - just baked EVERYthing.  Peanut butter & strawberry jam (plus actual strawberries cut up) muffins; banana-chestnut cookies with cinnamon and pecans.  Most are iced with spicy (chili flakes) chocolate ganache icing.

Time spent using aforementioned recipes: 0.00

Oh, and I may have had a couple shots of vodka... eat me.  Potato, vegetable!

That Crying Sound You Hear

So after being the sort of ill all Sunday where I actually agreed to trying a detox/cleanse... Well long story short, in the rabbit hole.


Day 1:  "I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE.  Need...meat...and lattes..."  Have immediately concluded there is nothing natural about this.  Have chosen not to make gross veggie smoothies on the first day as a way to "wade into it", just downing them au naturale. Luckily I'm allowed spices.


Day 2:  "How do vegetarians(/vegans) LIVE like this?  I want to shoot myself!"  Constantly hungry and irritable, never doing this during a work week again.  Funny how those qualities aren't business friendly... Is it okay to smoke during a cleanse?  I feel now would be a good time to take up smoking.


Day 3:  Wailed over a box of cookies, argued that vodka is from potatoes and therefore indeed a vegetable.  Ready to crack - violently - at any time.  Just barely kept on track by outside influences.  They seem to think I should be thankful, I'm leaning more towards bloodlust.  Pretty sure when I'm done this betrayal of my stomach I'm going to spend an inordinate amount of time in the kitchen cooking and baking ALL the things!


Day 4:  ...Holy crap, it's day four?  Life is ashambles, but have reached a "tolerable" medium with the meatless bouts of delirium.  Was watching ads for work and one of them featured a giant gingerbread cookie running around...was immediately turned on.  Like whoa; you've no idea.
Still no smoothies on the horizon.  Noticed my friends are in fact comprised of fleshy meat bags.  Considering the implications...

The weird silver-lining I noticed is that since my body's so weak from lack of meats and alcohol I'm usually passing out by 22:00 (as opposed to 01:00).  This is the most sleep I've gotten in months!  ...It's weird.