Lessons vol. I

Things I will never learn:

• When food comes out of the oven/off the stove IT IS HOT.  Do not immediately put in mouth.  Or touch with bare hands.  This is bad and will cause pain and may result in the inability to taste anything for a while.
• When at all-you-can-eat, stop eating when you are full.  NOT when the food is gone.  It is never-ending.  This is a losing battle that unfailingly ends with you wishing for the sweet release of death.
• Do not let Terri pour your drinks without supervision.  That is how "two drinks" ends up being half a 750ml bottle - with just enough OJ to qualify it as yellow vodka.  This is both expensive and will end up with you blackout drunk if not just blacked out.  By 9:30.  This is how you ended up in pants with pumpkins at 5AM that time.
• The 90s:  there's people who don't get it.
• You're probably the only person (okay, one of few) who appreciates the vibrant colour of your underwears in a way that isn't remotely salacious.  This is disappointing, but deal.
• Few parents appreciate you offering to discipline their kids though they've clearly forgone it.